I’m Too Sexy for My Mop
Nathan thinks I’m sexy. Whenever I’m cleaning the house. All I have to do is drag out the mop, grab my red bucket full of cleaning supplies, a pile of fresh rags, and my Dyson and Nathan gets randy. Mind you, I do not clean the house in one of those little French maid outfits. Just so we’re all clear on the visual, I usually do my cleaning dressed in the long underwear I’ve been sleeping in for a week with a stretched out cardigan over them and a dish rag tied around my head. Are we all on the same page here? NOT pretty. Definitely NOT sexy. Unless you’re Nathan.
So I clean the house from top to bottom every Saturday morning with Nathan humping my leg the whole freaking time. I have my own theory on why this happens: It’s a man thing. I’m not saying men are turned on by the smell of pine, or that men can’t resist a woman with a toilet brush in her hand. I think men like to perpetuate the myth that they are sex-crazed and sex-deprived by a world full of uptight women, and to make sure they stay on the top of the sex-drive chain, they hump our legs exactly when they are one hundred percent sure THEY’RE NOT GETTING ANY! Really, what are the chances that I’m going to throw down the mop, whip off the dish rag, toss aside my four children, and drag Nathan into the downstairs bathroom for a quickie between scrubbing dog and baby prints off the white kitchen cabinets and vacuuming crayons out of the heating vents?
Think about it; when does your man sneak up behind you and start nuzzling your neck? When you’re on the phone with your great aunt, Sister Gertrude, or when you’re trying not to over-beat your third attempt at fresh whipped cream. Or don’t they always get their groove on when you’ve just finished getting dressed for a wedding or when you’ve just announced that you have a temperature of 103 or you think you may be going into anaphylactic shock? THEY KNOW THEY’RE SAFE!
And don’t we think every time, WHAT A STUD?
This is my theory and I’m sticking to it. Just the same, no matter how our income increases through the years, you’ll never catch me hiring a cleaning woman!
If I had half your funny I would lock myself in a room and talk to myself all day until I peed my pants.
You know, you may be on to something…good theory. One that I can confirm too!
Holy cow, have you been peeking in my window? I have a crummy cold (as do both children), I went back to work today for the first time in months, and am so tired, and lo and behold… he’s been texting me “guess what I’m thinking” messages all day! Great timing, buddy.
Oh yes, I agree. They think it’s a cure-all – I don’t feel good prompts “You know what will make you feel better..?” Followed by leering grin.
And with my ex-husband – I had to lock the bathroom door when I was bent over the tub with the cleanser!
Oh. My. Gosh. This is one of the funniest things I have read. My husband, too, loves to see me cleaning. What is up with that???? Such a great post!!
So true! I’ve never made the connection! Rascal!
So true! I never made the connection, but now it all makes perfect sense. I am off to let my hubby know that we are onto their little game…
Same thing here—especially when I am doing the dishes or cooking. He suddenly turns grabby and makes comments about making the trifecta of barefoot, kitchen, and pregnant a reality.
i think it’s a childhood thing…ask your MIL if he was the same as a little boy, always interrupting her when she was busy or if he politely waited til she was ready to play with him.
hey.
what are you waiting for?
throw down the mop, whip off the dish rag, and toss aside the four children already.
call my bluff!
every time will you?
didn’t we talk about watching storms already? ( http://simplynutmeg.com/?p=579 )
I can provide added proof to support your theory. Plenty.
Why isn’t the word “randy” used more often? It totally should be.
Just chiming in to support your theory!
This is totally a turn on for my husband too. Can’t tell you how many times he’s pressed his wood into my behind when I’m vacuuming, scrubbing, scouring, folding, etc. And I always do it unshowered, unkempt, and usually in my pajamas from the night before, so go figure.
Wow You are definitly on to something there, so true for me too. It drives me insane because it makes it look like I’m always refusing. I am so going to send this to my hubby. Thanks.
What myth?
Bryan would be happy with anything.
I’ve never considered your theory before….but now that you mention it…I COMPLETELY agree! My husband always seems to want it late at night, when I’m making supper, or “after I dress for a wedding”. Good point!