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And the candy-gram goes to…

I’ve been stumbling around in a daze this morning wondering what I can possibly blog about when I can’t find my funny. All attempts come out nasty and sarcastic like I’m about to break into hysterical cackles and scare everybody away for a very long time. Sleep deprivation will do that to you as will the first week of summer vacation and three days of rain. When I checked yesterday’s comments I saw I’d been tagged by Surviving Motherhood for a meme. Hooray, a meme! Thank you, Heather! I don’t dread the meme like Heather; I just dread tagging others with the meme. It’s like being in middle school all over again and the damn student council is selling candy-grams. You never really know who thinks candy-grams are cool and who thinks you’re a simpering geek if you send one. So here are my answers to the questions and we’ll get back to the tagging later:

What were you doing 10 years ago?

Crack. Oh, there’s a little bit of the funny - only kidding. I may get this wrong as I’m seriously math challenged, but I believe I was trying like hell to get pregnant with my first child. Yup, that means exactly ten years ago to the minute I was most likely having sex.

What were you doing one year ago?

Crack. Okay, not even funny. One year ago today I was seven months pregnant and cursing sex. I’m sure I was burping too. And eating a carbohydrate. There’s a good chance I was parked in front of an air conditioner with my sausage-shaped feet in a bucket of water. As I sat there, I was probably trying to think of a girl’s name that both Nathan and I could live with without killing each other. In other words, I was wasting my time…

According to my archives, on June 13th of last year I was driving in the car with a very funny Maddie…

Five snacks you enjoy:

Crack
Lorna Doones
Oreos
Ring Dings
Cheapass beer

Five songs to which you know all the words:

Thunder Road (and every other song on that album)
Friend of the Devil
Brown Eyed Girl
American Pie
Paradise by the Dashboard Lights

Five things you would do if you were a millionaire:

Buy my husband a wide screen television
Help my friends and family
Rent a big old house on the beach for the entire summer
Buy Keira and Madigan a horse
Donate to the impeachment fund

Five bad habits:

Crack (Okay, now I’m getting really close to the cackle!)
Losing my keys
Crapping up the mini-van
Skipping checks in the checkbook
Never making time to send thank-you notes or writing them and never sending them
Leaving everything to the last minute and then lying to myself about working well under pressure
Talking too much
Over-using the comma
Taking my stress and frustration out on my kids
Focusing too much on my bad habits

Five things you like doing:

Seeing live music
Dancing with Nathan
Falling asleep during a movie
Entertaining
Singing along with really bad eighties music
(Notice I didn’t say crack - I know when to stop beating the horse!)

Five things you will never wear again:

Diapers
Braces
Pig tails
Press-on nails
A bikini

Five favorite toys:

Flexible Flyer
Frisbee
Ching Chang rope
Volley ball
Jacks

And finally I tag:

My Blog Exchange partner, Dramatized Reality, two moms with babies almost exactly Finn’s age, Ode to Umbrella Moments, and Mommyhood for Lara, and two blogs I grabbed randomly off the Bloggers Choice Awards, Plain-Jane, and Fussy, just because I liked their names. Now please be the 13 year-olds who think candy-grams are super-fly!

NOTE: If you were looking for funny, you might want to check out the contest at This Eclectic Life. I entered this post.

This entry was posted on Thursday, June 14th, 2007 at 3:23 pm and is filed under Blah, blah, blah, Blog. You can follow any responses to this entry through the feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

15 Comments so far

Laura June 14th, 2007 4:21 pm

I haven’t thought of Ching Chang in decades! Can I play?
This Eclectic Life June 14th, 2007 5:07 pm

Funny list. I avoided this meme four times! Just say no. That’s my motto.
I entered your funeral post…hope that’s the one you wanted. When I tried to e-mail you, it bounced back at me. Check to make sure it’s the right one and let me know. It’s a hilarious post!
Michelle June 14th, 2007 5:51 pm

You’re funny, especially when you have writer’s block.
surviving motherhood June 14th, 2007 6:23 pm

Your the second person I tagged that knows all the words to paradise by the dashboard lights. All together now

“do you love me, will you love for ever…”
Mama Zen June 14th, 2007 7:22 pm

Crack - it isn’t just for breakfast anymore!
CG June 14th, 2007 7:39 pm

I starting to worry abut you and the crack…

I acutally sing American Pie to Bubbie when trying to get him to sleep at night, and if he is not out by the end I know I am in for a long night.
Crackhead(Cakehead) June 14th, 2007 8:10 pm

You are too funny when you can’t find your funny!

Candy Grams leave a bitter taste in my mouth. I never received one. Just like the meme’s. Booohoohoohoo. I, can, relate, on, the, comma, usage, though.
nutmeg June 14th, 2007 8:59 pm

Cakehead - tag, you’re it! I just gave you a super-fly candy-gram. Aren’t I cool?

CG - I gave up crack ELEVEN years ago.

Heather - Don’t tempt me to type in the entire song. I could. Let me sleep on it…

Laura - yes, but I’m really good!
aimee/greeblemonkey June 15th, 2007 3:15 am

Forget crack, I am lost in my fond memories of my sister and I rewinding and rewinding Don McLean to memorize all those American Pie words!
FENICLE June 15th, 2007 3:21 am

Why am I still laughing about CRACK?
Lara June 15th, 2007 6:17 am

no candy gram for me? i’m hurt. deeply wounded. crying in the girls bathroom and everything.
Paul June 15th, 2007 12:09 pm

Hey! Get some shut eye !!
AuthorMomwithDogs June 15th, 2007 12:31 pm

Great! If I get tagged, I only need to come back here and lift your post — as we seem to be living the same life — with the same names.
Mom of a Munchkin June 15th, 2007 7:58 pm

Okay I totally feel like the geeky thirteen year old who sent the candy grams to the wrong person! LOL. Number one: I don’t even know what candy grams are! 2)I don’t know what it means that you “tagged” me! You’ll have to get back to me on these!
Loved the lists by the way. You have a wicked sense of humour. Wish I had that gift.
Mommyhood for Lara June 17th, 2007 9:38 pm

I’ve been waiting more than half my life for a candy gram, so yay! Thanks for tagging me, it made me feel all cool-like.

And the candy-gram goes to…

15 Comments so far

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