gone in a blink
When I was a very little girl, my family drove to and from church every Sunday morning past the entrance to Cadwalader Park. Rain or shine, summer or winter, guarding that entrance to the park, in his funny suit and hat, was The Balloon Man. And always clutched in his hand was the most fabulous bouquet of balloons, the colors so vibrant you could taste them, and the intricate animal shapes danced and bounced off the top of his head.
For years we never stopped to buy those balloons; our childhood just didn’t include such frivolity. But every week I hoped and yearned and when the priest talked about the sin of coveting, I thought of those balloons.
Then one day, for no special reason, my father pulled over at that curb and bought us each a piece of magic on a string. Mine was a big red puppy dog. But I had no experience with balloons and strings, and in an instant mine slipped through my hands and floated up to the trees.
Watching Nathan shave off Finnian’s hair was like watching that red puppy dog balloon disappear. With each curl that rolled off the razor and plopped on the floor, my last child’s babyhood floated farther and farther out of my reach, until it was just a tiny red speck amidst the clouds.
And then, in a final blink, it was gone, and I cried like that four year old with her face to the sky at the edge of the park.
Oh! That first haircut changes them, I know! I was so sad about my last baby’s haircut last year and I delayed it as long as I could (he had a fantastic mullet). With the first baby you don’t realize it will change them, it’s just another exciting “first.” After that you know – and it’s hard. Such a seemingly simple and insignificant thing to be so hard.
Jake has had several haircuts, but none like the one he got a few months ago. I look at him every day and miss his hair and the way it made him look.
I have to say I like the short hair Finnian better, but I know what you mean.
It’s so true that every hair on their head matters, isn’t it?
It’s hard to watch them grow up. At least he’s not shaving yet…
he did try that once, ruth, with a razor i left on the sink.
it ended in bloody lips and guilt, respectively.
My daughter is 4 in a month and I just cut her hair for the first time. I think my sis-in-law (a hairdresser) might have snipped it here and there when she was over her house, but she never told me and I never noticed. I always looked at her hair and thought, “That’s the hair I tousled in my fingers when she was born”. Her hair was so long when she was born and it was down to her midback by the time I got it cut last week. I just had it cut to right below her shoulders but it still hurts. I feel your pain. And my heart breaks about that little red balloon in the sky.
My Jake’s hair has been cut a few times, but only once so that most of his curls were off. It was BRUTAL. We had to do it b/c he was twisting it and pulling it out. It’s halfway down his back at the moment when it’s wet and he will certainly have his bangs cut before school so he can see. He’s become a little vain about his hair, and that’s totally our fault because I don’t want to cut it b/c I love it so much.
I have no idea what this has to do with anything, but I guess what I think about all this is that if it weren’t the hair that was red balloon-y and floating away, it would be some other symbol of his babyhood.
ouch, it can be so hard!
Awwwwwwwwwwww….
Great post.
:sniffle:
Kinda wondered how you felt about that. He looked so young and so sweet and all of a sudden he looked like such a boy! Not a baby. But you can torment him his whole life by reminding him in front of his friends and future girlfriends that he will always be your baby. Maybe that thought will make you feel a little better.
They ALL go and grow up on us!
OK I’ll start by saying…even typing in EZRA makes me sad,BUT remembering the balloon man on that corner EVERY Sunday..WOW! what memories. Thinking back,I don’t think we ever stopped for one….Meg………I LOVE Finn’s hair!!!!!!!!!!!! BetteJo is right he went from an adorable baby to an adorable little boy. I hope you saved those curls.
Heartbreaking. And isn’t that the way, over and over, our heart breaks for every change that takes our babies that much closer to not being our babies anymore.
babies?
my whole LIFE is a sequence of red balloons and it hurts every second and yet is the reason to do it at all.
i miss my dog, being naive, and yesterday.
thank god for red balloons.
god damn those red balloons.
It took me a couple of days to figure out who the little boy in our house was after Ali’s hair was cut for the first time.
Spent some time this afternoon catching up on your blog after a very long hiatus on my part. Glad to hear you’re getting settled.
And the first real haircut my son had, he looked like he aged ten years. Your little one is very handsome . . .
Good to read you again!
Ohhhh, hon.