Ten Days and Counting
I saw something recently on a commercial for Desperate Housewives that pissed me off. It was an excerpt from the upcoming show in which the stressed out, overworked mother of four crazy kids was panicked because she and her husband hadn’t had sex in 10 days! She’s so freaked out by this that she dresses up in a French maid’s uniform to entice her husband.
Really, it’s crap like this that gives women like me a complex. Now ask yourself, how long would it take before you rented the maid’s outfit? I think it would be more like ten months for me. At ten weeks I might think to go to bed in something a little prettier than my husband’s boxers and a Mickey Mouse t-shirt, but spend 40 bucks to rent an outfit that makes me feel like I need to clean more than I already do? At the ten day point I’m still basking in the glow from the sex we just had!
Come to think of it, you can’t rent those outfits, you have to buy one. Think about the hygiene issues involved in wearing the same fishnets and ruffled panties that maybe thirty other women have already rented. There’s not enough Tide with bleach in the world! Change that to ten sexless years before my husband sees me in one of those!
[...] Nathan thinks I’m sexy. Whenever I’m cleaning the house. All I have to do is drag out the mop, grab my red bucket full of cleaning supplies, a pile of fresh rags, and my Dyson and Nathan gets randy. Mind you, I do not clean the house in one of those little French maid outfits. Just so we’re all clear on the visual, I usually do my cleaning dressed in the long underwear I’ve been sleeping in for a week with a stretched out cardigan over them and a dish rag tied around my head. Are we all on the same page here? NOT pretty. Definitely NOT sexy. Unless you’re Nathan. [...]